It is not as bad as it seems

My last post was sad. I was sad and depressed
however, today is a new day. I decided I will not weigh myself for a while I am going to focus on my fitness and nutrition and not on a number on the scale. However, I do need a way to measure my progress so from now on I will measure my progress by taking pictures among other things such as the number of push-ups that I can do or how fast my mile is. Here are the first pics:


Welcome to Downerville

Hello welcome to Downervile where everything seems horrible....

Yep that is me, literally right now laying in bed feeling sad. I have not gone to the gym in 2 days and all  I have done is eat and lay and dwelling in my sadness. It all started yesterday. I was doing so well I was feeling healthy and seriously I thought my stomach was getting flatter, I felt GOOD. Then I decided to weigh myself and I had gained weight. But I had been doing so good I thought it was almost impossible to gain weight, but  I did and I was disappointed. That triggered a day of eating and now I am in my self loath feeling bad, bloated and sad. Although, I feel this is worse I am really depressed. I do not know what is wrong. I am just sad real sad, I almost cried a few times today for no reason. Whenever I feel this low I try to find something to make me feel better, I decided to donate blood. But guess what, I could not even do that, my iron was a point to low. Not even the blood bank wanted my blood...le sigh.    Anyways there is no better cure to feeling depressed than just going through it, accepting it and shaking it off. Tomorrow is a new day, a new beginning and the opportunity to better myself but for now it just me trying to pick my self up. Until tomorrow, I hope your day is going a lot better than mine. 


Keeping up the good work

I am almost sure you guys have seen saying similar to this before. I know I have and it has a lot to do with what I am blogging about today. I do not know if you recall my last post but I had gotten back from Vegas and I was really determined to change my diet and exercise and step it up a notch and I have. Surprisingly I have done real well so far, mind you it has only been 4 day LOL but hey 4 days on a health streak is better than 0...Props to me. The hardest thing has been to not weigh myself, I do not know why I am so obsessed with my weight like wtf?? I have been so tempted to step on the scale but I am not, I refuse. I really doubt I have lost much weight. I did come back from Vegas 2 pounds heavier from my 'normal' weight so I probably just lost those 2 pounds, I mean come on it has only been 4 days so it is only understandable. Plus, I want to measure my success not only by the scale but also by how I feel and I feel good. I never regret a workout or eating healthy, that is for sure.
My "diet" started on Tuesday and I also began a new workout. It is extremely intense but I LOVE it. Phase 3 of livefit trainer is not for the faint heart,as Jaime, the creator of the workout, likes to say. I am completely drenched in sweat when done lifting weight, can you imagen that. The reason is that she, Jaime Easton, includes active rest in between reps. You find yourself lifting doing jumprope and lifting again. It is intense but I am getting my workout there is not doubt about that. I am looking forward the results.
  On another note my work vacation was over yesterday :( , it time to go back. Sometimes I wish I was rich so I would not have to work but hey this is life.


The countdown begins

I have 13  days until my next weigh-in. Usually I'd weight myself every other day or so but my boyfriend made me promise not to. When I weigh myself and haven't lost weight it is discouraging and it leads to a downward spiral of eating too much. Plus, I am excited to just wait and see what the results are. Also, we have no cheat meals, usually I give myself one day but not this time. At least not until Sep. 3 which is labor day. On another note today was day one of livefit trainer phase 3. It was an intense workout, I thought I was not going to make it but I did. I am just missing my cardio so I am doing insanity for 30 minutes and a jog :). I will keep ya'll posted with results and pics. Hope all of you are doing great.


Weight Loss Challenge

I just got back from Vegas and it was a really fun trip. I dont have to explain what I did because "what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas " just know it involved alcohol, food and fun. However, now I am back ans ready. Summer is half way down and I have not lost much weight. It is a constant up and down with the scale. But  summer is  whining down I need to get on it. I have set a couple goals and  I am hoping that my scale yo-yoing will encourage  me to lose some real weight. I am doing this with my boyfriend and i am looking forward to it. Our first weigh in on September 3rd. I will keep you updated on how things our going.

Current weigh in:


"Real Weight Gain"

When I weighed myself on Friday I knew I had not gained 3pounds in a day, that seems impossible (requires the consumption of 10500 calories, which I can not intake in one day ). Although I was weighing in at 133, I knew it was most likely due to the amount of food I ate the day before, the composition of the food (salty fried food most likely bloating me) and the fact that I had not had a bowel movement. It was scary nonetheless, to see that number staring back at me. 133 is closer 135 than 130 and I had worked hard to get rid of those 5 pounds and did not intend on gaining it  back.  So, even when  I knew that the possibility of going to the bathroom and waiting a day would take me back to my "normal weight" of 130 I was scared and disappointed, it was a never again moment.  I am glad I had that wake up call. Lately I have been feeling defeating and not in the right mindset. Today I stepped on the scale and was down to 128.2.  You might think it is stupid for me to obese so much but at one point in my life I was 167.9 and I still feel  like that big girl from time to time.

That's me on the right (I have very few photos of me from that time, I wonder why)
 My struggle with my weight and body are not over. If I'd have to measure my success I'd say I am at the halfway point of where I am suppose to be. My stomach  is my main "problem  area" and I have insecurities, like many other individuals.  In previous post I explain I  will try to obsess less about weight and I will, but it is easier said than done. Now that I am back to my "normal weight" I will stop weighing myself every day. Losing weight is still a priority but I need to focus on changing my relationship with food,  NO more binge days, that is not healthy for anyone. NO more using junk food as a treat. I have to reevaluate my goals and remember why I started this in the first place, I wanted to be healthy and fit, sometimes a number on the scale can not measure those things.

Moving on the a lighter note, there is a blog I follow called The Road to Less Cake, it is also the journey about a  young lady, Nikki, who  like myself trying to get fit and eat less cake (hmmmm....sounds exactly like my struggles). She is such an great  blogger, she has been doing great  on her road to less cake, today post was on Marilyn Monroe.  She passed away 50  years ago today. Nikki has a great post with picture of Miss Marilyn (click here to read), inspired by her I decided to post my all time favorite picture of miss Marilyn

I came across this picture a couple years back at a poster sale, I love it. I think it has to do with the fact that she is lifting weights although, as a weight lifter myself I have to say  her grip seems weird almost a bit off but who cares, it's Marilyn Monroe!!
 Anyways,  keep checking back on my progress I promise I will buckle down with my eating habits and I will keep posting on my successes and my not so successes. 


These are my confessions (Singing voice)

I thought about not blogging about this but I figured I should, I owe it to all of those who are going to the same struggles. I went to the orange county fair yesterday with my boyfriend. The fair is known for its greasy food, carnival games and crazy rides. There were tons of food vendors and food trucks, anything from fried oreos, fried twinkies even fried frog legs. Pretty much fried food galore. I did not eat any of this things in particular but I did share a mexican funnel cake :/ with the boyfriend.

  I did not have anything super unhealthy but I ate stuff that is not part of my diet and a lot of it .

I did eat some waffle fries!
Well I said I was not going to weigh myself but ended up doing so and it was scary , I am weighing in at 133. I had not seen this number in such a long time it is scary. It scared me so much I was not even sure how to approach my meal plan. Many diets recommend a fast day after a beinge day but I  work today an 11hour  day and not eatting is not going to fly. I decided to eat very lean, small meals and take snacks to work. This is like my regular meal plan except I know I have very few slip up room. Maybe this is a good thing, maybe this will scare me straight and I will not beinge eat.

Here I will leave you with some other pictures of the fair:
Boyfriend and I

with my favorite Italian chef- Fabio Viviani

Here are some pictures of some of the decadent food sold at the fair (I did not eat this):
Fried Oreos

HUGE sausage dog

chocolate covered bacon 


Checking In

I have been on this journey for a while and sadly it is something I will probably struggle with all my life. But looking back I have made great strides. Before this blog I was 169 pounds, my heaviest.  Currently, I am weighing in at 129.9 with my plateau weight being 130. It is been hard because I feel I have been doing all the right things but not losing weight however, after reflecting I realized I need to go beyond that number in the scale and realize how much stronger I am today then I was in the past. I can actually do push-ups (off my knees), I see muscle definition on my arms and legs. There are other ways to measure success besides my weight. I am trying to focus on those things and not so much on the scale. I am cycling my carbs and calories with  low calorie/carbohydrate day and high calorie/carbohydrate day. I feel good but I am never hungry and sometimes I am literally forcing myself to eat, but I do it to eat 5-6 times a day. I plan to continue to check in and let you know how it is going.