Sometimes you have to fall...

So you can pick yourself back up and succeed. 

If you read my previous  post, it was not to positive. I was down in the dumps, recovering from a gym injury and binge eating...

I was eating because I was sad, I was eating because I was depressed, I was eating because I was hurt, anxious, happy, desperate, I was eating because I wanted to eat. For about 3 days straight I ate everything I could find and stuff in my mouth. It was BAD. And of course, as the cycle of binge eating goes because I was depressed that I ate all the cookies, I felt Fat,  so I ate more cookies... as if that would make me feel better?!

I remember one time I read an excerpt from the book "The Day I Ate Everything I Wanted" from  Elizabeth Berg, (Read the excerpt here) It felt a little like that. I was trying to stuff as much food in my mouth  before the day was over because obviously, I was starting my diet the next day. Isn't that what we always say, I'll start my diet tomorrow. Yeah well, tomorrow never comes. Eventually, after 3 days, I feel disgusting. I do not mean it as in I hate myself disgusting, literally, my body feels disgusting.  I mean can you imagine after three days of stuffing flour, fats, more fats and sugar down your throat, how would you feel?

After I loathed in my misery for a while I decided to do something...I went back to the drawing board. There has to be something lacking in my diet that is causing me to binge so out of control. I think it is to restrictive. I talked to a couple of friends who suggested I started counting macros to make sure I am getting enough nutrients. I will have a whole blog about macro nutrients. Right  whats important for you to now is that I am doing better. And I will be Successful at this. Sometimes you just have to fall to pick yourself back up and succeed.  

Tomorrow (no pun intended, or I should say later on today, it is 1 am here in California) I will post more info on macros and what my new nutrition plan and goals will be. Right now it is bed time. Good night my fellow bloggers.

LOSING MY GRIP

Feel that I am losing all control on my eating healthy situation. I feel so defeated and weak. I hate this feeling and I  do not know what to do. To make matters worse I injured myself at the gym. I have never suffered an injury from my workouts until yesterday. I dropped and 80 LBS dumbbell on my foot. Thankfully, it did not fall straight on, but it did bruise my foot and left me linmping. It is so unfortunate because I will be out of the gym for at least 2 days if not more. I am just trying to let it heal. Like I said I was lucky but at the same time devestated. I knew right away it would prevent me from giving 100%. I am already struggling with my diet and this was the last thing I needed. I am so depressed and wonder what it will take for me to get  back on "the wagon". I feel so desperate. I had never fell   off so bad  and I can not see an end. I need help.

The down side to losing it

For this of you who have been following me for a while you know this journey has not been easy. Like many of you, I've had ups and down and time where I just went round and round...literally. Although, I am not at the end of my goals I am much closer than before and I am actually pretty thin; thinner than I have ever been before. With this, comes many comments, some even unwanted. I've never thought I'd  be here. I am the lowest health weight that I've ever been, between 124-127. And sometimes people don't understand my fitness goals. I get all sort of comment and reactions such as "you look like a twig " "eat a sandwich" "Do you eat" "girl you're so skinny". You might be thinking, oh well why is she complaining, I'd be lying to you if I didn't want these type of comments at one point. But it's much more than that. People have shoved food in my face even after I said I didn't want any. To be honest my goal isn't to be skinny it's to be fit and I have a long way to go. I have to learn to ignore comments and actions and keep focused. It's weird to be on the other side of the spectrum, where before it was comments like "you sure you want seconds" or "someone gained weight", rude comments  are still hurtful sometimes, even when your "skinny".